I started working with the perfect fusion of a trainer. My trainer Chris, is a personal trainer but he also has done NLP which is all about mindsets and the way that our minds are wired. It's a perfect fusion to make sure, I have a strong mind and a strong body.

It's been a couple of weeks with a self-care break in between of training with Chris and I feel my body getting stronger. As all the turmoil starts to settle and I know that there's a trial lingering. It could be 2 months away, it could be 6 years no one really knows. It leaves me feeling lost in a limbo land. The space of unknown is very anxiety provoking. It's frustrating, it makes me mad. I find moving my body helps. The way Chris is training me to use my breath, is definitely helping. When you can control your breath, you can start to control your emotions. I question sometimes whether the control of emotions is really what I need or whether I need to let my emotions flow? I'm in this space of sometimes allowing flow allowing the tears to flow, allowing the anger, the rage to come bubbling on out. You know I actually don't have much control over the anger and rage, it just comes on out. I think I've just so full of anger and rage some days. And other times I hold and control my emotions. It is both necessary. You don't want to bottle up an emotion but you also need to need to learn how to control the emotion. It's a fine line.

I've been doing some reading and research on breath. The understanding of how healthy you are, purely on how many breaths you're taking a minute and what that means for a long-term health and prevention I find it so interesting. That if we could get our breaths down to six to eight per minute we would have a longer life expectancy and reduced disease and mortality rate. I find that just crazy something that we all have to do to live. But the large majority of us don't think about. Breathe is controlled by our autonomic nervous system and we let it be controlled just like that automatically. If we were conscious about our breath and practice some form of breath work we could be drastically healthier. I used to think of breath work is sitting as a yogi with my legs crossed and my fingers pierced. I'm learning that breath work can be incorporated into all sorts of daily things. I pay attention to my breath whilst I'm training, while lifting weights. I pay attention to my breath when I'm folding washing when I'm hanging washing on the line and when I'm washing dishes. Breath is vital, literally it's vital and it increases our vital energy and our vital force. When I take my contrast showers of a morning it's my breath that keeps me under that cold water it's my mindset that keeps me breathing to stay under that cold water and that builds resilience.